


Paperback Writer

by King_Richard



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M, maybe Bruce/Dick later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 07:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5448881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/King_Richard/pseuds/King_Richard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dick Grayson" wrote a book</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paperback Writer

1975

 

Dick Grayson sat down in a quiet corner of the Hudson University dining hall, trying to solve a conundrum. His day had started out great! He had awoken fully rested, Hudson and New Carthage having had a tranquil night allowing Robin to get a full night’s sleep (something Dick realized he really should try to achieve more often!). He had dressed in his favorite brown corduroys and Hudson U sweater, had a breakfast of pancakes at his boarding house (the pancakes weren’t Alfred-Pennyworth good, but his day had started out great, not miraculous), and headed to his favorite class, Contemporary US Fiction.

 

And that was when things got weird. Dick could have sworn some of the other students were talking about him in hushed, excited (sometimes scandalized) whispers, but he couldn’t figure out why. He hadn’t written any particularly exciting articles recently for the student newspaper – just regular old humdrum stuff. Nothing to whisper over at a 10 AM class! Dick would have been content to let the whispers slip from his mind if his professor hadn’t given him a strange look and a smirk along with the usual “Mr. Grayson” when she returned his graded essay. Dick had momentarily panicked, thinking he had gotten a bad grade (and he worked so hard on that essay in between cracking a tough case!), but the grade was an A and the professor’s comments were nothing unusual.

 

Then the whispering had continued in his business class! A fellow student named Gary had even tipped him a wink, and the professor had given Dick a brochure entitled “Investing Wisely” on the way out of class. Dick was especially mystified by that. Yes, this was a business class but it was a business writing class; investments were covered in a different class. And why would the professor only give Dick the brochure? And why would she even think Dick needed it? He already had a wise investment plan – to let Lucius Fox handle it!

 

Dick was just finishing his late lunch, still at a loss to explain what was going on, when a group of students swept past him. He caught the words “Grayson” and a sniggered “Bruce Wayne.”

 

Of course! This must have something to do with Bruce! Bruce Wayne was always in the tabloids, which were usually filled with snicker-worthy stories. Perhaps _The National Enquirer, Midnight,_ or the recently-established _Star_ had printed a salacious story about Bruce. Or …! Remembering the investment brochure, Dick gasped. His business professor clearly thought he was about to come into some money. What if she thought it was Bruce’s money? What if one of the tabloids had printed that Bruce was dying? Even knowing the tabloids lied 110% of the time didn’t make Dick feel any better. If the gossip rags had published something about Bruce then he wanted to know what it was. To the newsstand!

 

Ten minutes later, Dick pushed open the door to Hank’s, the newsstand and convenience store closest to campus. As the bell tied to the door jingled, Hank looked up from behind the counter. He grinned when he saw Dick.

 

“Well, Dick Grayson!” Hank came up to clap one his most frequent customers on the back. “Good to know a famous writer such as you hasn’t forgotten his old newsstand.”

 

“Writer?” Dick asked. Although Dick wrote for the Hudson University paper, and Hank knew that, people generally didn’t call him a writer. A budding journalist perhaps, but not a writer.

 

“Heady stuff from what I hear,” Hank continued. “Not that it’s my scene or whatever you kids call it. I got a wife and all. But I don’t judge.”

 

Dick quirked an eyebrow at Hank. What did Hank’s wife have to do with anything?

 

“Anyway, if you’re looking for your work, you won’t find it here.”

 

“My work? But you always have copies of the university paper.”

 

“Not that work,” Hank chuckled. He shook his head, clearly amused. “Did your agent tell you to play up the clean-cut, all-American boy act? Because it’s really working. The press will love it.”

 

“The press?” Dick glanced around nervously. Thankfully, he saw no one. “Hank, I just came here to check out the tabloids.”

 

“The tabloids haven’t gotten ahold of it yet, son. You just head on down the street to The Frisky Pussy. You’re a real celebrity there.”

 

“The Frisky P -?” Dick couldn’t even complete the name, so thorough had been Alfred’s training. Dick knew The Frisky Pussy was the local sex shop. It mostly sold romance novels, magazines about hosting swingers’ parties, and “back massagers”, but as you penetrated deeper into the shop a whole new array of items were spread before you. Whips, gags, ass-less chaps. Stuff like that.

 

With a feral grin, Hank directed Dick out the door. “The Pussy awaits,” he announced as he gestured down the street and gave Dick a nudge forward.

 

 ***

When Dick entered the store, he was expecting to see something relating to Bruce Wayne. Maybe an erotic novel featuring a thinly-disguised Bruce as a character (millionaire playboy Ruce Brain was a little obvious, was it not?); maybe even a romance novel in which a plucky heroine captured the heart of a gruff millionaire by helping him care for a newly-acquired orphan (who was invariably a poorly-drawn character, always to Dick’s great chagrin). What Dick was not expecting was a sandwich board proclaiming “LOCAL AUTHOR” next to an eight-foot tall display of novels.

 

Novels which featured on their cover a nubile young blond man who was exposed from the waist down, the caveat “for the entertainment of adults only,” the title _Enter from the Rear_ , and the author.

 

By Dick Grayson.

 

Dick Grayson.

 

There in neat majuscule, yellow block letters against a green door (and wasn’t that ironic?) were the words “By Dick Grayson” next to the picture of a half-naked man.

 

On the cover of a book. A book that apparently everyone at Hudson and in New Carthage thought he had written!

 

Suddenly the whispers made sense. Suddenly the funny looks made sense. Suddenly, ….

 

“Dick Grayson!” shouted a jovial voice from behind the register. “Great book! I was up all night reading it. You’ve got talent, my man.”

 

“But I did-.” His protest was cut off.

 

“It’s our hottest seller right now! If all the stores are having sales like us.” The cashier whistled. “Whoooo. You are gonna be famous.”

 

Oh god.

 

A customer breezed around Dick, snagging a copy of the book, and moving over to the counter. Apparently he had heard the employee. “Yeah, everyone around town has a copy.” As handed over his $2.25, the purchaser called back, “Maybe you can beat Wayne at the money game if you sell enough copies.” The buyer and the cashier laughed, allowing Dick to slip out of the shop.

 

Oh god. Bruce. What was Bruce going to think?

 

 

* * *

 

It had been a surprisingly busy day for Bruce thus far, which was why he was less than thrilled to see Lucius Fox poke his head in the door.

 

“Lucius,” Bruce groaned, “I’ve been looking at reports all day.”

 

“It’s not a report,” Lucius soothed, “and trust me. You’ll want to see this.”

 

“Doubt it,” Bruce muttered, but Lucius heard anyway.

 

“Correction. You _need_ to see this.”

 

With a hefty sigh, Bruce held out his hand. He was expecting Lucius to place a stack of papers in it, so he wasn’t prepared for the smaller, heavier item. Scrambling in an attempt to catch the item yet not reveal his Batman-like reflexes to Lucius, Bruce awkwardly caught the paperback novel upside down, his hands covering the lower portion of the book.

 

Bruce glanced at the cover. His eyebrows flew into his hairline.

 

“Lucius, there is a half-naked man on the cover of this novel.”

 

Lucius nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “Yes, Mr. Wayne, there is.”

 

Bruce glowered. “Is this some kind of prank? Because it’s not funny. At. All.”

 

Lucius gave a tense chuckle. “If it’s a prank, Mr. Wayne, I’m not the prankster.”

 

Bruce hadn’t moved from the awkward position in which he had caught the book. His elbows rested on his desk, while his hands were clapped around the book, which dangled from his catch like offending vermin. Bruce just glared daggers at Lucius, who was both excited and terrified to watch the fireworks he knew were about to erupt.

 

“Check the author, Mr. Wayne,” Lucius calmly suggested.

 

With what sounded like a growl, Bruce flipped the book around and laid it on his desk, face up. Bruce took in the garish shirt on the man on the cover, the ridiculous title ( _Enter from the Rear_ – really? Had the author not heard of subtlety?), and the warning (“for the entertainment of adults only”). With an interior eye roll (Were people so dense they actually needed an “adults-only” warning on a book like this?), Bruce finally focused on the small row of capital letters beneath the title.

 

By Dick Grayson.

 

Bruce would later claim he had uttered a manly gasp, while Lucius swore it sounded more like Bruce was coughing up a hairball. Suffice it to say, the CEO made a noise neither he nor his CFO had heard come out of his mouth before or since.

 

His eyes bugging out of his head, Bruce snatched up his phone.

 

“I need a conference call with Alfred Pennyworth and Dick Grayson right now,” he ordered his secretary.

 

Lucius closed Bruce’s office door behind him, thankful Alfred was going to be in on the call.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Someone named Dick Grayson did indeed write a book in 1975 entitled "Enter from the Rear". I randomly came across it on Amazon, and thus this story was born.
> 
> I described the book cover based on the image on Amazon. Sadly, the book is unavailable so I have no idea what's inside. This same Dick Grayson also wrote another book called "He Knew What He Wanted."


End file.
